This week has been very similar to the ones before- hectic. Even when I was on holiday at the beginning of this month, it was hectic because it was not a holiday to relax but to get certification for my PADI EFR and rescue diver (see previous entries).
Today, I went home for lunch after picking up sis from town. My mother went to my sister’s room (she’s only here on holiday) to tell her something, and when I walked in (I think it was to ask my sister something), I saw my sister’s and mum’s face carrying a very serious look.
My mother had just found out that one of her best friends has not only been diagnosed with cancer, but the cancer is at its final stage. It is important to note at this point that my mother is not very knowledgeable about cancer (not that I am either but…).
My mother has been friends with this lady for a while. I remember meeting this particular friend because her daughter, when she was only a baby, went to Singapore for heart surgery (if I remember correctly) and we went to Singapore often as well and from there, my mother and this lady’s friendship blossomed. She became a family friend and her son is one of my younger brother’s best friends too. In other words, we are family friends.
This lady has been a true friend to my mother- at least in my observation. In one of our trying times, when food was scarce, she would send one of her kids to our house every day, to bring food she cooked. I will never forget this generous gesture that was not only for my mother but for me and my sister.
When I came back from my Master’s last year, I found out that my mother had stopped talking to her. For what reason? After hearing only one side, I believed they made a mountain out of a mole hill. My mother found out that this lady’s ex-boyfriend did not like my mother around because she is a terrible drunk (my mother is a terrible drunk, I don’t like her either when she drinks). My mother was upset because this friend of hers did not tell her until she broke up with her ex-boyfriend. This lady on the other hand asked my mother to remove her ex from my mother’s Facebook and my mother said she didn’t have to because the lady’s ex is a friend of hers also and she didn’t have to be part of the conflict. Like I said, I’ve only heard one side of this story.
My mother heard the news from my brother’s best friend- the son of this lady. He told my mother that he will be going to the hospital (this lady is now admitted to hospital) and I don’t know if he offered or she asked but she will be going with him to visit her. My mother has a big heart but she isn’t always in touch with that heart… until it is jolted. When my mother was discussing this with us, she believed that the cancer was not truly in its last stage but instead, this lady has been admitted because she will be thoroughly washed and the cancer will be cleaned out of her system.
When I say my mother isn’t too knowledgeable about cancer, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t know it kills. Sometimes, we also say things we want to believe and at this point, I am not going to breakdown the hope my mother has for our family friend. At this point in time, the lady does not yet know she has cancer. Her kids do. According to one of her kids (who told my mother), they told the doctor that they should be told the news because their mother isn’t strong enough (yet) to take it, especially with her high-blood pressure.
Every once in a while, life reminds us of what is important. We waste way too much time wasting time… time we want to spend with the people we care about, the people we love… we are upset because we want to be the one who receives love and forget that love is something you give but not necessarily receive and we should never expect it either.